…Inside The Black Man's World


October 6, 2011

SBF – Get Your Own

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Written by: singleblackf
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Single Black Female

Ladies, I’m coming straight for you with this one. I have absolutely had it with the whole sugar-daddy era. I know it’s been going on for years, but it’s time women and men take full responsibility for our actions. Especially black and minority men and women. We seem to keep an excuse ready for every situation. I don’t understand why as human beings, we don’t all want the best for ourselves first and then our families. We’re quick to take handouts and hand me downs. It happens with jobs, school, with our families, and with other people’s spouses or significant others. We will scratch and step on each other’s heads to get to something that belongs to someone else. We compete for jobs instead of trying to own our own businesses. We compete for scholarships and apply for many grants instead of saving money and paying college off on our own so we won’t be in debt. In families we fight about wealth, health, property, space, time, and the list goes on from there. Instead of pulling together and working to build an empire. If everyone would play their part each family would be set for many years to come.

Now when it comes to other people’s lover, men and women have a tendency to compete and go after people who don’t belong to them. It’s almost like a sick fetish or thrill people get just from messing around behind a friend or even family member’s back. Solid, or so it seemed friendships have gone up in flames over one friend being sneaky with the other friend’s significant other. No one ever wants to find out someone close to them is messing around with their lover. I imagine it would be the worst feeling ever. I’m speaking from the other woman’s prospective. Yes I have been the other woman. No need to lie about it when I promised to keep it with 1 trillion with you guys. I’ve made the mistake of picking over scraps. At the time it felt like I had the upper hand because it seemed like I was the one being desired over my friend. In reality it was an attack on the strength of our friendship and we both failed miserably. I ask myself now why it was so easy to get between the two of us. I believe as black women or even just as women in general we suffer from so many insecurities that we automatically compete with each other. We allow men and even other women to easily sway us to turn our backs on each other. I’ve seen women who seemed inseparable at the time go toe to toe and literally fight over a man who knew exactly what he was doing in my opinion. See, it’s the divide and conquer theory. If you get two friends to argue or bicker you will break the strength they have from their bond and eventually benefit from not one but both of them. They will tell all of the dirt from each other’s past and deface each other’s character. But why does this happen? Why do we fight over left overs? Why do we take what is given instead of creating what we want. Why do we settle for other people’s scraps instead of getting our own goods?

My father always said to me from a young age, “Work for yourself.” Not meaning be selfish and just do for self, but to make money for myself and not for another person’s business. Be the owner and not just one of the employees. Why use all of my talent’s and great attributes to make another person rich and not take a slice of the pie for myself? Sometimes if we use a little common sense we can solve so many of the simple everyday problems we think are so difficult. I know we all approach and handle obstacles in different ways, but there are some fundamental elements we are all missing. I love the Ne-yo & Jamie Foxx song “She Got Her Own”. It’s definitely a motivational song for me. When you hear men say things like, “I love her cause she got her own,” you have to open your eyes and see what’s real. Men love women who are just as powerful and ambitious as they are. Power attracts power and when a woman has some direction she is one of the most powerful weapons known to man. A woman with her own or who is striving for her own will have a greater sense of who she is and much more peace of mind than a woman who is just settling for scraps.

Last SBF article: Here Tomorrow; Gone Today

Follow me on Twitter: @Singleblackf

About the Author

A Single Black Female's perspective on love, life, and living with the black men who just don't understand what women want.




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