…Inside The Black Man's World


April 25, 2012

Black Men and Sex: Things We Wish You Knew

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Written by: sgaither
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Black Couple

When asked the question “What do Black Men Want?” most brothers will attempt to give an intelligent answer. When I did my testimonial for WBMW, it took me about three days to come up with an answer. It’s such a loaded, powerful question that you feel compelled to say something uplifting or thought provoking. But let’s be real: The most honest answer is SEX! All of us want it- your brother, your father, your gay cousin, even your pastor. And lots of it!

There’s no reason two adults can’t be honest with each other, but when it comes to sex

With that in mind, I give you five things Black Men Wish You Knew About Us And Sex:


. Honesty Is The Best Policy: One of the biggest issues people face after becoming involved sexually is one person catching feelings that the other person doesn’t reciprocate. There’s no reason that two adults can’t be honest with each other, but when it comes to sex folks still act as if they’re humping around after school. If sex equals relationship to you, you need to let it be known up front. A real man can appreciate and respect that, even if he’s not willing to commit to it. And if it’s just sex you want, let us know that too. I doubt most men would have a problem with that, but hey, stranger things have happened.


Show And Tell, It Never Fails: Once again, communication here is key. This very moment, millions of women are miserable and millions of men think that they are putting it down on said women. Ladies, if you’re not satisfied with the sex you’re getting, you’d better speak up or forever forget about achieving an orgasm with your partner. Men have a reputation for having fragile egos, and to some extent that’s true, but it’s all in the approach. Don’t tell us we suck and then leave us to pick up the broken pieces of our egos. Men are visual creatures, so show and tell what you want.

Ladies, if you’re not satisfied with the sex you’re getting, you’d better speak up or forever forget about achieving an orgasm

We Want and Need Your Approval: Conversely, if your man is putting it down, let him know. It’ll put a smile on his face, a glide in his stride and make him appreciate you even more. A little praise goes a long way, literally and figuratively! Most men never admit it, but we crave attention and reassurance. Don’t assume that your man knows how good he is in bed. Just tell him “You laid my ass out last night,” and watch his reaction, in and out of the bedroom.


We Actually Like Going Downtown: One of the first things I learned in the sixth grade was “Never admit you go down on a female.” I believe this to be Rule 1 of the Mandingo Macho Manifesto since we first roamed the Sub-Sahara. Slowly but surely however, this wall of secrecy is coming down. Many brothers do enjoy giving as well as receiving oral pleasure from time to time. It’s 2012, fellas, and I’m sure your male ancestors will forgive you for it. And if not, who cares! Now who’s ready to eat?


We Want You To Enjoy Sex As Much As We Do: Unless your man is a straight asshole, he wants you to enjoy sex. Sex is always great for us, and we assume that it is for you as well. We assume! If it isn’t, let us know so we can do our part to help set it off. If it is, shout it from the mountain tops!

Checkout my last post: The Internet (And Apps) Will Break Your Heart

About the Author

Award-winning college journalist. Serial Blogger. Old School R&B fanatic. Stonecold Gentleman.



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  1. I like your article. VERY good!

  2. Danielle

    Great read! Communication is important when being sexual with someone, if you don’t communicate i guarantee someone will be unsatisfied.

  3. josie

    how do u know if he loves u and wants t be with if he want tell u

    • If he won’t tell you, he probably doesn’t…He he won’t show you, he definitely doesn’t…

  4. Desia

    Communication can fix a whole lotta things! Great and timely article.

    • Amen!

  5. This article was on point for a number of reasons. I’ve been trying to tell other women about #4 for the longest. You won’t catch me just laying there miserable while he is having the time of his life; and #5 never fails.

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