…Inside The Black Man's World


December 15, 2011

Where The (Young) Ladies At?

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Written by: sgaither
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Lauren London Nicki Minaj

So after my post making the case for men to date a mature woman, I had to ask why I found myself attracted to older women. After a lot of soul searching and thinking, I realized that what I am actually attracted to are women who carry themselves in a “lady-like” fashion.

it’s getting increasingly difficult to meet a True Lady under the age of thirty

Dictionary.com defines a lady as a woman who is refined, polite and well spoken. You don’t have to be a duchess or have gone to charm school, just know how to put together a coherent sentence and conduct yourself with class. Not a lot to ask, right? You would think so, but based on my observations, it’s getting increasingly difficult to meet a true Lady under the age of thirty.

Aside from the obvious things like going out of the house dressed like a backup dancer for Rihanna, there are lots of little things that I notice on a day-to-day basis that make me scratch my head. Things like when I hold a door for a female and she doesn’t even acknowledge my presence. Things like failing to make eye contact when a man is actually trying to look them in their eyes.

What I’ve heard from the older generation and seen on TV Land, it used to be that mothers took the time to teach their daughters how to “act like ladies.”

How to cross their legs when wearing a skirt. How to hold a conversation that didn’t include the use of profanity in every other sentence. How to dress in a manner that leaves something to the imagination. Things that separate a bride from a booty call.

Somewhere along the line, the ball was dropped. There could be several reasons. As the single mother became the rule and not the exception in the black community, they’ve had less time to spend nurturing and passing on their values to their children. Add to that the fact that many of today’s mothers are still in or barely out of their teen years. And lest we forget, we’ve seen a huge backlash on traditional gender roles in the past fifty or so years. It’s like no one wants to tell young girls there are certain activities that ladies do not engage in.

There is nothing sexier than a woman who can sit and have a conversation about everything from the upcoming presidential race to the latest mixtapes. There’s nothing better than finding a woman who you feel comfortable bringing around both your boys and your mother.

But hey, in a world where Nikki Minaj is arguably a bigger role model for young women than Michelle Obama, maybe I’m asking for too much, too soon. It seems as though many young women of today are developing physically at a much quicker rate than they are mentally. As they navigate through life, I suspect that they too will begin to carry themselves in a manner that is more befitting of a Lady. Until then, the mature woman is looking pretty damned good! Wouldn’t you agree?

Missed my last post: The Case for the Mature Woman

About the Author

Award-winning college journalist. Serial Blogger. Old School R&B fanatic. Stonecold Gentleman.




  1. Tamika

    I love the message. Unfortunately it is very true that “women” these days don’t know how to be “ladies”. One can say that the media has a part in it, to which I don’t doubt. However, it also has to do with the way one is raised. If these girls don’t receive the adequate “home training” then how can we expect them to grow up to be self-respecting ladies? People are products of their environment.

  2. Jessica

    Great piece.

    It’s so refreshing to hear that a man actually wants a woman to act with some class and respect. From my experience, men tend to beeline towards the Nicki Minaj lookalikes – the ones who are loud, brash and sexually brazen in their dress. As for the ladies who were raised with Claire Huxtable as a television role model, there seems to be less interest. And to be quite honest, those “ladies” probably require far more work than the less sophisticated women.

    I can thoroughly understand, however, why less women under the age of 30 act behave in a ladylike manner. Impressionable women in their teens and 20′s tend to mirror what they think men want and what they see in the media. And judging by what’s heralded in publications like Black Men’s Magazine, being cultured and refined are hardly worthy attributes over a banging body and a pretty face.

    So I’m glad to know that at least one guy, under the age of 30, has different tastes. :)

    • He’s not alone in the crowd of under 30 Black Men who have this ‘different taste’, know what they’re looking for and are ready for something ‘real’, as opposed to a Nicki look-a-like. That in itself is just a look, just because a woman dresses a certain way on a certain day doesn’t mean she’s not a lady of class and respect. Being a ‘Man’ and knowing what you are looking for is the progression from a young-man who beelines to a woman hastily, without maybe taking the time to see past the sexy outfit…. Maybe! Not always. To each his own.

  3. So, I totally understand what you are getting at in this post and it is wonderful to hear that a young man is attracted to young women who know how to respectfully carry themselves; however, I do take issue with your emboldened line, “Things that separate a bride from a booty call.”

    What you are asking for throughout this piece is a young woman who is well-informed, cultured, respects herself and requires that she be treated respectfully. Yet these qualities are not synonymous with bride, or the more colloquial “wifey.” It is inappropriate, especially in almost 2012 to define a woman by her sexual choices or to make assumptions about her sexual choices based on outward appearance and comportment. Moreover, what you may consider to be bride material is not what other young men might consider bride material, nor is a booty call relationship the worst thing in the world to all men or women. It may be exactly what he or she wants at the moment, or ever.

    We have to be careful of how we judge one another in hetero-normative relationships and not assume that everyone wants the same thing. Nostalgia for traditional gender roles of our parents or grandparents age is risky business in 2012 because we don’t live in the same world. While there are men and women who do fill those more traditional roles aspiring toward marriage (myself included), we have to recognize that marriage as our grandparents knew it is a dying breed, and the breadth of types of long term (or not) committed relationships is growing and more acceptable.

  4. Phil R.

    Dude your right about that. Im 20 year old brother in college and i don’t see many sisters act like young ladies. most are the booty call type and act like ghetto girls too.

  5. Jesse

    I’d have to say that I’m really impressed by this artile. I’m into younger women but I always find myself asking why are they sooooo imature when it comes to a number of things.

  6. Gina

    The only problem i see with this article is that, you’re looking for qualities for a young “Lady” who is under 30. there many things in this article a Lady Learn after the age of 30.

    Someone who is 30 is not old, that very young she just posses more life experience. but like my father said ” what will i teach an old horse”. Read into Men nature ways.

  7. Stephanie

    Let’s give a round of applause. I am very pleased that you wrote this. Just like the popularirty of butt injections and tight clothes, this too can be a movement if more people, men and women, show their support.

  8. JP

    Truth is that most men would never marry a chick like Nicki Minaj. We would definitely smash it off, but when it comes to looking for wifey……Women like her would be the last on the list.

  9. i appreciate this post..in theory, but in practice?

    we live in a monkey-see/monkey-do kind of society. so the reason why it may be harder and harder to find a young lady who carries herself with grace and class, is because those ladies (strictly on the surface) ARE NOT WINNING.

    having a sex tape leads to adoring fans and millions of dollars. the phatter the azz, the more hollas you’ll get.
    sure, it might not be for to take home to your mom, but the high numbers still give her a better chance, than the 0 to low numbers.

    women who carry themselves as you would hope them too, aren’t out here talking about how bad they are, how they got and can handle their own. they just do. just because they aren’t yelling from the top of their lungs, they are being mistaken for passive wall-flowers. when maybe she’s waiting on a man who carries himself as a gentleman to approach her in the right way.

    in the age of twitter models, they only exist because of the men that put them on the pedestal. the same way men wish women would stop rewarding men for being bad boys, we’d like a cease and desist order on chasing the all-flash/no substance chicks.

    the same way some men claim that women have killed chivalry, is the same way men have made it less important to act like a lady. if supahead can find a man that will actual wife her (none of this wifey business) – then what lesson does that give a young woman in today’s world?

    “a girl is not born a lady. and some never become one”

    • CEO

      GREAT comment!!! Two thumbs up!!!

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