…Inside The Black Man's World


July 21, 2011

SBF – Who Fronts The Bill?

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Written by: singleblackf
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Single Black Female

I met this guy who was nice enough to ask me out on a date to a location of my choice.  I suggested that we meet up for drinks one night and he agreed.  A few nights later we met at a local spot around the way for our first date. Our conversation went well; and he seemed like a nice enough guy that date number two was a definite.

Here’s where things took a turn. The waiter arrives at our table and asks whether we’d like to pay the bill by cash, credit, or debit, all while looking left at me and right at my date for instructions.  Would you believe this guy turned to me and asked me “how did you want to pay for this?” I was more shocked than anything else and I think my facial expression alone said it all.  Or it could have been the sound of my jaw hitting the glass table that he heard echoing across the restaurant. Who knows?  All I know is that he then turned to the waiter and said “Debit please!”  And he paid the bill, while I voluntarily tipped the waiter. We hugged it out and parted ways.  Needless to say that was our first, and last date.

Call me old-fashioned but shouldn’t a man front the bill for the first date?

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About the Author

A Single Black Female's perspective on love, life, and living with the black men who just don't understand what women want.




  1. Jen

    I believe that if you are asked out- meaning that a man asks you out on a date then he should be obligated to pay, now if you both suggest hanging out one day, then going dutch is perfectly fine.

  2. Sam

    Just asking – if you ask someone out on a date, surely it’s because you are somehow expressing a romantic interest in that someone, even if only a small interest at first. To me a date is expessing the desire to be a bit more than ‘just friends’. So, why does anyone think that if you’re asking someone out on a date that the person you’ve asked should be obliged to go halves? Isn’t it a bit of a put off, especially on a first date at that?

    For me as a girl, I quite like the idea of being ‘charmed’ and ‘won over’. So with a guy expressing the desire to go halves, what does that say about how the rest of the relationship will go? Will everything be halves? Won’t anyone be able to get a real full-costed treat here and there? Will I always have to walk with my purse? How will I feel seeing other girls getting treated by their men and not me? And ultimately, not because I don’t believe in independence, but the questions that also can be asked are “will he ever be able to look after me should something happen to me?” and “if i wanted to ever have kids with him, would he be able to support us?”. I know its a bit far on, but some girls do think like this very early on – I don’t think it’s anything to do with being a golddigger, but the idea of stability is important. I like to know that my man has it together!

    And hey, you need to think about her self esteem too – does going halves so early on suggest that she’s not ‘nice enough / beautiful enough’ to be treated? Would you not want to wine and dine your ‘dream girl’?

    Interesting… What do others think? Or maybe its just a tactic to use when you realise during the date that you don’t like the girl / guy very much and want to put them off! lol

  3. max

    I think you’re in a grey area here – who asked whom on the date? Whose idea was it to go for dinner and who chose the restaurant? If the answer to all of these is him then he should have paid.

    Either way he’s bright and out of order to turn to you on some “how do YOU want to pay for this?” all raw dog like that. RUDE.

  4. Especially on the first couple dates, I think the guy should always assume he’s going to pay and be prepared to do so.

    If you asked him out, then I say she should offer to pay. A gentleman (and the kind of guy I’d like to be involved with) would decline her gestures, however, and foot the bill.

    I think going “dutch” is weird. It gives more of a friendship vibe than anything, so a guy who only wants to pay for his meal should expect to be placed happily in the friend zone. BUT if you’ve been on a few dates and plan to keep doing so then I think it’s perfectly fine for the lady to offer to pay the full tab sometimes, particularly if she chose somewhere particular to dine.

    I’ve never paid on a date (but I’m not opposed to it, either), but I always consider this when the “where do we eat” question pops up. I figure if he’s paying then he can pick the place. And I won’t complain if that place is Mickey D’s; I love McNuggets.

    • CEO

      LOL – you love McNuggets!!!

  5. Annie

    Let’s be clear, if a man asks me out for a date and then expects me to pay half….his azz has “officially” been put in the friend zone. Sorry! I could have taken my own self out for dinner with girlfriends for a nice night out. Then, I wouldn’t have had to worry about shinning and grinning for his cheap behind.

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