…Inside The Black Man's World


April 10, 2011

SBF – He cheats because he loves me?

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Written by: singleblackf
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Single Black Female













If you’re a woman and reading this I know what you’re thinking, a man can’t love a woman and cheat on her at the same time; the two just don’t seem to go together. Yet I’ve sat on the phone listening to my girlfriends whine and complain about dealing with men, black men in particular and their cheating ways.

Ask any of your girlfriends how often this conversation comes up and I bet all of them have at least one friend with a cheating boyfriend or husband. Case in point; “Wifey” calls me and tells me that she caught her man cheating on her…again, and of course this time it was with some chick on his Facebook account. Without tellin’ her business, I can tell you that she read some really dirty messages that no man in a relationship should be sending to another woman. Why does this woman need to know how big your d*ck is? Why does she have your BBM Pin? And why is she sending you half-naked pictures? You know how that story plays out. I’m telling you Facebook has ruined so many relationships, but that’s another story.

So I asked Wifey, “Are you going to leave him?” I mean that’s what you’re supposed to do when your man steps out on you right? You’re supposed to pack up his sh*t and throw it in his car and set that b*tch on fire. Then snap your fingers and Naomi Campbell walk it out in some red bottom soles. But she says, like I’m sure many woman you know have said time and time again…”but, I love him.”. So she stays, and for the next few weeks it’s champagne and strawberry kinda nights. And they lived happily ever after, right?

Why do black men cheat when they know that at the end of the day the woman at home is the one they want to be with? I mean is it the thrill of the chase? Is it the feel of new pu**y tighter than the one you’ve got at home? Or, is it that the wifey at home can’t jook as well as the gyal pon di side?

I asked a girlfriend of mine these questions and she thought it was simply that black men are greedy. She thought that “black men are just never satisfied even when the woman does all that she’s supposed to do” as a wife or as a girlfriend. I on the other hand thought that it was because the girl on the side filled a void that the wifey wasn’t filling for whatever reason. Her ears perked up when I said this to her. I mean, I know men who cheat because the girl on the side let’s him explore all of his sexual fantasies, some that he doesn’t think his wifey should even be doing. Generally speaking, the wifey isn’t usually the best sex of a man’s life, but she is the best sex he will have for life. On the other hand, the girl on the side is the one who doesn’t complain when he accidentally cums in her hair. She doesn’t nag after he’s come home from a long day of work. She’s the one who listens and is always happy to see him.

But if your man cheats on you does this mean he doesn’t love you?

Looking back at my friend who recently caught her man cheating, again, I understand in part why she’s staying and why she loves him. When she had a man who’s doing what a man should do for their home it makes it more difficult for her to leave. He comes home to her (mostly…lol), he provides for her, and he has helped to build a family with her. In her mind his cheating was just part of what is to be expected when dating a black man nowadays. This was just something that she would eventually get over with time. At the end of the day she says, “all black men cheat, but my man loves me.”

Agree or disagree? Either way speak on it.


Twitter: @singleblackf @whatBMwant

About the Author

A Single Black Female's perspective on love, life, and living with the black men who just don't understand what women want.




  1. Dene

    In my opinion “MEN” black or white are by nature “Hunter/Gatherers” woman by nature are “Nesters”. The term “Cheating” is used when a man has a relationship with more than one woman and I think that is closed minded. The term cheating should only be used when there is deceit. Personally I am in a polygamous relationship and have been for almost 3 years. My Man openly has relationships with several other woman. Yet I am secure, happy, and fulfilled mentally, physically, and emotionally. I couldn’t ask for a more loving and honest man who through all his ” other obligations ” manages to never let me feel like I’m second best or like I don’t have his love and support. I think what it boil’s down to for me are two words “Unconditional Love” I knew exactly what I getting into and I love my “Rolling Stone” cause no matter what he is a F_€K’n GEM….

  2. Narc101

    Why can’t we find more women like Dene?

  3. tats

    WHATEVER….any women who puts up with her significant other cheating is insecure and does not feel like she can do better….WHERE IS THE RESPECT???? If he loves you – he’s not going to be interested in being with another women!!

    Just sayin!!!

  4. As society advances the standard of poverty rises.

  5. Dene

    I just wanna say that others may be entitled to their opinion, however they are not entitled to judge me. I have formed a bond with another for either a need, a reason or a season. Only god knows but I am sure whatever the reason I will be a better person for it, because I am a strong beautiful, educated woman.

  6. water

    To debate tats, all men are interested in being with other women. It may not be worth it to mess up your current relationship, but we all look. We all sometimes (often) desire jooking down nuff new girls.

    If your man has told you different, it’s because he doesn’t want to offend you. I’m sure when he talks to his friends he sounds just like the rest of us. “Man, I’d just love to _________ (penis, vagina, breast mouth… think as dirty as possible)”

  7. Noxx

    I would have to agree with water. Tats is living in a fantasy world that most women live in. “oh my man only looks at me.” Right. The problem with society is that we dream up these fairytale lifestyles and want to live it. Tats I hope you find your Knight in shinning

  8. Jack "The Kid" Richards

    First off, I take umbrage with the thought that this pertains to black men in particular. You can’t be serious? Then again you aren’t privy to the locker room discussions between dudes of all ethnicities as we talk the man talk… let’s just leave it at that to not break Man Law #1. And yeah yeah, I know this is a “black men” site, but still… I don’t think it would be too hard in this instance to generalize…
    “Cheating was just part of what is to be expected when dating a black man nowadays”? That shit ain’t even cool, and too be honest; if that’s the way we’re perceived anyway, dammit, we might as well cheat. We’re going to be accused of it anyway. Man law #23 states and I quote… “If you cheat on your woman… don’t get caught and be a man, keep it to yourself.” Now where was I again… oh yeah…
    Let Tha Kid take a stab at a few of these questions you’ve laid out so eloquently.
    Q. Why do black men cheat when they know that at the end of the day the woman at home is the one they want to be with?
    A. The cheating has nothing to do with the love at home; it’s the result of passion lost and things unsaid. Bite my head off if you want about what I am saying, but many times men (and women) perceive it to be in the best interest of their relationships when they cheat… as long as they don’t get caught of course. The sex from cheating is simply that. Sex! Sweet, glorious, wild, uncontrollable… sorry, got carried away for a moment there. And no; I am not advocating it; simply offering possible reasons… so again, chill.
    Q. Is it the thrill of the chase?
    A. Not likely, if a dude is cheating… there isn’t a chase anymore, only the planting of that victory flag on Pussy Mountain. So the chase definitely isn’t what it is.
    Q. Is it the feel of new pussy that’s tighter than the one you’ve got at home?
    A. Interestingly enough at times it isn’t the tightness of the pussy as much as the facelessness of it. Believe it or not ladies, we sometimes have too much respect; yeah I’m using that word while speaking on cheating, to ask you to do certain things in the bedroom thus seeking it out elsewhere with someone we have no emotional ties too. Plain truth… some dudes don’t want the woman they are living with to have his dick in her mouth at nights.
    Q. If your man cheats on you does this mean he doesn’t love you?
    A. Who really fucking knows? Love is one of those things that should never be explained nor quantified. We all do stupid irrational bullshit when in love and then try to analyze it through rational thought. Speaking to someone “in love” is at times like talking to a one year old baby and trying to get more than dribble and poop. He loves you or he doesn’t and he respects you or he doesn’t, either way, whether he cheats on you probably doesn’t have anything to do with either. We are way too complex to narrow down whether you love someone by one or two acts or moments in your life.
    That’s my take… love it or hate, won’t change it! Tha Kid signing off.

  9. MizAvid

    BS! Are you kidding me?!?!? Why would any woman that knows her worth put up for a second that sh*t?! He’s a good man so why not turn a blind eye? Please, women are lined around the block ready for your man to Muck up! Shiiiit! You think because you’re the Best thing that ever happened to him he wouldn’t turn on you like a rabid dog if you cheated???
    As far as I can tell men cheat cuz they think they can get away with it, they Love attention form any woman much less a semi attractive one, and as amazing and accommodating as you may be in bed different is different not better, just different.

    • WOW – you are spitting some fyah! Some truth, but some fyah. I think men will have more responses to your thoughts…

  10. soloflyin

    I think “Tha Kid” needs a therapist or perhaps a date with “dene” his dream gurl…. he obviously grew up raised by a weak woman who watched her husband cheat and did nothing so now it’s normal. Hey no need to “rise above” why not bang it out while you still can…. I thought WBMW is a better image… and new look, but apparently all they want is to belittle women and continue f’n around til they all rot from AIDs. Interestingly enough I see that women continue to be their own worst enemies by letting this shit continue and in Dene’s case condoning it…

  11. Uncle Suave

    This is one man’s perspective on this topic, with the purpose of provoking dialogue between both men and women. @ Soloflyin, WBMW is the forum through which our readership (both BM & BW) can be heard, with their own voice. We serve only to moderate a level of civility. You are obviously not a weak woman; if I may attest, Black Men Want that!

  12. Lando

    Hmmmm. Say if you had a choice to be with as many women as you wanted and whatever number that was society was okay with it. Your partner(s)were okay with it. What would that number be?
    Monogamous relationships especially based on love is still a new concept. We do what we do because we’re taught this at a very young age through our parents. One person for one person one at a time.

    Why do some men (women)cheat? I dunno…just because? Maybe trust means something different Monday morning than on Friday night.

  13. Luvly

    Bacl Men nees to take responsibilities for their actions. Women give them to muchand too long a rope. Srong black women that supports themselves shouldn’t have to put up with their s—-. We are too srong to let them walk all over us and so as they like andthey knowthat they will pr can get away with it. All the good men are already married or in a realtionship and the women are not letting go.
    Men cheat because we let them.
    Is it bette rto be lonely or to be miserable?

  14. Annie

    Soloflying gets a virtual high-five from me. You are coming with some truth and umm….common sense. What the hell would I look like if I chose to stay in a relationship with a man that cheats on me? That, my friend is not a %@Q$#@ relationship, but some BS. I’m not going to draw this out because clearly, you can see where I stand on this subject. What I’m going to sign-off with is, it’s interesting that those same cheating azz men, have a problem when their woman flips it and cheats on his azz. YEP, Boo boo…..we do it too. Not saying, the end justifies the means, but if you can dish it, your behind better be able to take it. PEACE!

  15. carolyn

    I would not tolerate a man cheating for no reason. P & D people kill behind. That is the ultimate betrayal for me

  16. G

    Honestly, from my experience, ALL men cheat, whether you know it, accept it or not. It would be nice to have a man be honest about it. I personally don’t consider it cheating if you’re honest about it. But I have yet to have a man tell the truth before the fact. When I was younger, it was a hell NO for me te “let” that happen. But with time, experience, and wisdom that I’ve gained, I’m open to an open relationship. As long as there are no secrets, as long as he takes care of home, never puts one of “them” before me, and makes sure I have a smile on my face. When I have found out about a man chaeting on me before, I tried to open that dorr for him so he might feel comfortable being honest, they always seem to think it’s a set up and then our relationship falls from the lies, not nessessarily the cheating itself. And I have met many men in my life as friends, and lovers that have been in relationships or married, and have told me that they are in love with the woman at home, have no intentions of hurting her or leaving her, but they do cheat anyway. Sometimes they can’t even explain why. But anyway, just my thoughts…

    • Annie

      I understand that many women are open to relationships when they feel like they HAVE to accept it. And, I will certainly accept an open relationship when I can play too. However, many men don’t want to have their women be with other men even though, they themselves can step outside the relationship. I’ve never understood that. NOR will I ever accept that. I’m just not one of them chicks that is about to give 100% when he’s splitting 50% between me, Tanisha, Angela, Veronica, and Nene. It’s not gonna happen. And, you are correct, a lot of men won’t tell you this. And, if that’s the case, his cheating AND lying Azz can kick rocks. He is free to kick it with as many as he chooses to, withOUT me. Not about to participate in that unhealthy, drama and disease breeding mess.

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