RATED “A” (For Adults)
I was reading through internet articles earlier and this interesting one came up about what it was that drives me and my fellow dudes out there crazy. I could probably list about a million damn things, but the majority of them would just come off as petty, I’m sure. In the end none of you really want to hear about me and my issues… Trust me, you don’t; I’m a mad man.
Anyway, moving right the fcuk along, what is it that makes us brutes turn crazy and go off on our temper tantrums. The first and easiest answer without getting too deep is that all men are still just 10 year old kids with beards. Ok fine, maybe 8 year-olds, but who’s counting. Continuing on, let Tha Kid list the top five things that drive us dudes fcuking insane when dealing with dating and relationships. These joints below are in no particular order or anything, just assume that all of them make us equally fucking annoyed.
1. Where is this relationship going? I’m gonna start off with the age old fcuking question of where is this relationship going? I mean give me a break; Women can get on a dude’s last nerve with that special question. Commitment issues are a thing that guys generally have as part of their DNA, we thrive on the chase, and once you start pushing for the relationship to move forward… damn, we know the chase is over.
I understand (before the throngs of women start commenting on what’s the point if there is no progress) that eventually if a relationship is to move forward there needs to be an escalation in trust and commitment. What Tha Kid is speaking on right now is when you’ve been out with a chick on a 3rd or 4th date and she starts talking about where are we headed. That right there is a damn buzz-kill. Ladies, wait at least 6 months of dating and learning dude before you ask the question please, we’ll be good then. Even the most elusive playboy will at that point understand that you deserve after 6 months to lay on the female inquisition of where she stands in your mind.
2. Manufacturing Drama. Next up on the annoying list is when you ladies start to conjure up some drama as if you were David Copperfield of Criss Angel. I still don’t understand how it’s possible to be out with a woman enjoying yourself and then out of the blue some shit just gets to you and the entire night ends up in an argument. I’m pretty sure there are times its the dudes fault, but the drama I’m talking about many times has nothing to do with the relationship, instead some issue you got involved in through gossip with your friends. This would be fine except you want to discuss this shit with us and we want no part, so we just nod our heads to appease. Here is the rub though; you know we don’t give a shit, but want to test us on it anyway and then ask us what you just said… You know how that story ends people: argument time, and it could have all been avoided if you just kept your girl talk between you and your girls and leave us the fcuk out of it.
3. Asking us questions where there is only one acceptable answer. Now this one… this one right here… fuck me, this one gets to my bones every damn time. Why do women insist on asking dudes questions, they know they don’t want honest answers to? When a woman is overweight, trust that she knows it and by the precise amount of poundage to the micro-pound. Yet, she feels it necessary to ask us whether she looks over weight…
Your ass knew you were 130 lbs when we met and now you are 160 lbs… What the fcuk you think the truthful answer to your question is? Now the problem of course is that you go ahead and ask us anyway and then… see #2 on this list. Tell you what ladies; next time you want to ask about your weight ask the mirror. Please don’t ask your girlfriends because they are bound to tell you that you look thinner than you ever have in your life (you know how it is, every chick’s friends are pretty and all that shit).
Moving along, don’t ask me who I was just talking to on the phone. If it was someone we don’t think you ladies would approve of, we will probably ignore or lie… so what’s the point really?
Another thing too that must be added in this “asking us questions” diatribe. Stop asking if another woman looks better than you (oh on the same note, don’t tell me that another dude looks good either, just keep that shit to yourself like I do when I see a banging chick walk by). You know the fucking answer already. Period.
4. Changing who you are from when we met. This one right here only happens if #1 on the list has been answered to the satisfaction of the woman. Put your hands up fellas if you been in a relationship that started out with you having the coolest ass chick around. She wanted to go to sporting events, hang out with you and do cool shit. She didn’t give you any beef over checking out another chick’s ass or rack from time to time as long as she knew you were going home with her. All of a sudden, shit done changed when you made that commitment? Huh?? Dudes, trust me when I tell you that there always has to be some kind of chase or you will regret it.
Somehow women don’t understand that the woman you were when we met is the woman we fell for, not this new and regressed version. Keep it real ladies and be who you are all the way through, beginning to end. (Fellas, you don’t get a pass on this one though, because most dudes do the same damn thing and go on changing themselves once they advance in the relationship). Just keep it real is all I’m saying.
5. Guy Time is Sacred. Finally, and maybe the most important if you ladies want to ignore everything else on this list, is understanding the sacrament of Guy Time. Everyone needs some time for space and decompression; for dudes, we like doing that with our friends over drinks, sports and strip clubs. Even if a woman can’t help herself with the previous 4 things on this list; if she understands the Guy Time sacrament, she will still be able to get a pass. You see, guy time allows us to understand and appreciate how much we actually like our woman (comparing them to the brutes we call friends) and at the same time lets us be brutish ourselves.
Think of it like a pig playing in mud for a few hours, then we come back to the ladies who clean us up again… and repeat. Just like with #4, dudes out there are guilty of this one too. You’ve got to let your girl have her ladies nights too or you are walking a dangerous path to pussy whipped-dom. Ladies; when your man says he is hanging with the fellas, just accept he is going to see some ass, probably get drunk and pretend to be macho and shit… but in the end he is (probably) coming back home to you. Just wash me off and I’m good as new.
So those are them. There are more, but I’m not in the mood to write for days and days, those up top will have to do for now. As an honorable mention I have to say that it is OK to pay for dinner once in a while ladies. I’m not requesting for dudes to be cheap, just that on occasion it’s cool when a broad brings her wallet on the date too.
Science has been dropped and Tha Kid must rest. Holla at your boy!
Check out my previous post: Woman Change then say we ain’t the Men we used to be, Blame it on Feminism