I just scanned my Facebook profile and it says I have over 1,100 friends. Some of them I grew up with, some I barely know and some I have no idea how we’re connected. I also have a lot of friends who pose deep, thought provoking questions. One such friend, a professional journalist and fashion expert recently asked:
Riddle me this: What do men find to be “intimidating” about a woman whose not in distress, loving life and not carrying baggage? Wouldn’t finding a woman like that be like finding a valuable needle in a haystack these days?
Pretty powerful question, huh?
My initial response was that most sane men don’t want a damsel in distress. I know I don’t. The only type of man that is put off by a woman who has herself together is the man that feels that he does not. In this type of situation, it has nothing to do with the woman and everything to do with the man himself.
Most men can tell a good woman when we see one. We know that a lot of sisters out there are doing the damn thing –getting their degrees, holding down jobs and taking care of themselves. We see you. We admire you. We value your opinions and are genuinely proud of you.But we won’t date you? Why?
Because you’re ahead of us. There…I said it.
It is my sincere belief that a real man wants to take the lead role in a meaningful relationship. Not a controlling role, a lead role. But it’s impossible to lead from behind.
“Why,” you ask? You don’t want to compete with us, you just want a meaningful relationship. That may be true, but at the end of the day, a man who feels that he brings less to the table than a female is going to feel inadequate. And trust me, the last thing you want is a man who feels inadequate. He may never say it, most men never do, but eventually both of you will know it.
Every man has his own standards of what it means to have his stuff together. It may be a dollar amount in his bank account. It may be driving a certain type of car or having a house of his own. Whatever his definition of success is, until he has it, he’s more likely to pursue a woman who “needs” him because the situation makes him feel better about himself than to constantly have to measure up to someone he feels is ahead of him.
So what’s a happy, successful female to do with herself? Keep enjoying her life and realize that when the right man comes around and the right time, you’ll be much happier than settling for someone who isn’t ready for you.
Missed my last post: Where The (Young) Ladies at?